funny shayaris and One Liners

1. 
   Meri ankho ko sapne fir dikha gaya koi,
   buzhti sason me mahak fir jaga gaya koi,
   kya ye sachmuch pyar hai,
   ya Chutiya fir se bana gaya koi.
   
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   Wada to nahi karte dosti nibhaynge,
   koshish yahi rahegi apko nahi satayenge,
   zarurat pade to dilse pukarna,
   hagte bhi rahe to bina dhoye ayenge....!!!!
   
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2. Ek pal me bhula diya hamko,
   ek pal me juda ho gaye,
   abhi to mere saath the,
   abhi na jane kahan kho gaye,
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3. 'Ek mulakat anjan hoti hai,
   Anjan se hi to pehchan hoti hai.
   Jaha dekho waha ishq ke bimar bethe hai,
   Hajaro mar chuke hai lekin sekdo taiyar bethe hai.
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4. Duniya mein bewafaon ki kami nahin hai.
   Ab suraj ko hi dekho lo aata hai USHA ke saath,
   rehta hai KIRAN ke saath aur jaata hai SANDHYA ke saath.
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5. Reh reh kar mujh ko to bas ek hi khayal aata hai....
   reh reh kar mujh ko to bas ek hi khayal aata hai....
   woh kambakht na jane kaunse sabun se nahata hai!!
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6. Ek aap ho kii sharmate bahut ho,
   Ek aap ho kii itrate bhi bahut ho.
   Dil to karta hai ki aapko Dinner pe ley jayein,
   Kambakht ek aap ho ki khaate bhi bahut ho
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7. Safar lamba hai dost banate rahiye,
   Dil mile na mile haath badate rahiye.
   Taj na banaiye costly padega
   Har taraf Mumtaj banate rahiye...
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8. Ghunghat mein tujhe dekha to deewana hua.
   Sangeet ka tarana hua,
   Shamaa ka parwana hua,
   Masti ka Mastana hua,
   Jaise hi ghunghat uthaya is duniya se ravaana hua...
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9. Ramlila se hanuman tha farar,
   role ke liye fit kia ek sardar.
   jo tha bahut hi kamal,
   ped se chalang mar ka bola "Jo Bole Sonihal",
   sita maiya SASRIAKAL
   bolo ta ra ra ra ...
   
   
   Lab pe Aati hai dua ban k tmana meri,
   Dil karta he band karvadu sim teri.
   noor dunia ka mere dam se ujala ho jaey,
   Jo mujhe msg na kry uska rang kala ho jae.
   
   ************ ********* ********* *****
   
   Dekh tere sansar ki halat kya ho gai bhagwan !
   Kitna badal gaya insaan!
   Na SMS Na koi miss-call, Na koi bhi call
   Ham bhi hue hairan kitna Busy hua SHAITAN!
   
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   GHAJINI Dekhne K Baad Ye Ehsas Hua Ki
   Hum Bhi Aamir Khan Se Kuch Kum Nahi He
   
   Hum Bibi Ki Sunte He Samajhte He
   Aur 15Min Baad Bhul Jate He........
   *****
   
   Kya tum ped pe chad sakte ho,
   kya sanjivani buti la sakte ho,
   kya seena cheer k dikha sakte ho,
   nahi na,
   beta kewal shakal bandar jaisi hone se koi Hanuman nai hota.
   
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   5 lovly words-"i'll top my class
   4 pleasant words-'I'll work hard"
   3 sweet words-"i luv studyin"
   2 spl words-"my books"
   1 imp word-"LATER" ...
   
   
   .....
   
   
   Propose karne ka sher:
   
   Kutta mar gaya rajaai mein,
   Main paagal ho gaya teri judaai mein
   Haathi nadi mein beh nahin sakta,
   Apun tere bina reh nahin sakta...
   
   
   .......
   
   Jab jab hame pyaas lagti hai,
   Unke aane ki aas lagti hai.
   Unki deewangi main hum ho gaye itne deewane,
   Ki har ladki ki maa apni saas lagti hai.
   
   .....
   
   Duniya Gol Hai:-----
   Chuha Billi se darta hai,Billi
   Kutte se darti hai,
   Kutta Aadmi se darta hai,
   Aadmi Biwi se darta hai,
   Biwi Chuhhe se darti hai.!
   Duniya Gol Hai..
   
   ....
   
   Ek sharabi marne laga tab bhagwan pratyaksh hoke "koi antim ichcha?"
   sharabi- agle janam me ek liver extra laga dena....!
   
   ...
   
   A BOY on DATE With GIRL in BMW.
   Jaan, Maine tumse ek baat chupayi hai. I'm already married.
   Girl: oh, Tumne to dara diya,
   Main Samjhi BMW tumhari Nahi hai
   
   .....
   Samundar bhar syllabus,
   nadiyan bhar padh pate hain.
   Balti bhar yaad rehta hai,
   mug bhar likh pate hain.
   Chullu bhar marks aate hain,
   chalo doob kar mar jaate hain!
   
   .........
   
   College ki galiyon mein ajeeb khel hota hai.
   Class ke bahane dilon ka mel hota hai.
   Notes ki jagah lovemail hota hai.
   Isliye Pappu har saal fail hota hai!
   
   ....
   
   Usse pyar karke meri kismat jaag gayi
   wah wah
   usse pyar karke meri kismat jaag gayi
   maine itne love leter post kiye
   ki wo postman k sath bhag gayi
   
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   Tu bhi kiya kar meri tarah sayari,
   tera bhi naam ho jayega,
   tujh par bhi marenge log ande tamatar,
   sham ki sabzi ka kaam ho jayega
   
   ..........
   
   Khuda Kare Ki Tum Ko Judai Na Mile,
   Kabhi Bhi Tanhai Na Mile,
   Mujhe Sms Na Karo To Kuch Aisa Ho,
   Ki Mausam Ho Sardi Ka Or Tum Ko Razai Na Mile
   
   .........
   
   Soch Samjh ke Na ki Padhayi Jisne,
   Ussne Jeevan Bigadh liya...
   Aur Mann Lagakar Jisne ki Padhayi,
   Usne bhi Sala kya Ukhad liya...!!
   
   ...
   
   na lakho mein na hajaro mein,
   na chaand mein na sitaro mein
   humne apko dekha hai chaapal churate mandiro mein,
   poket marte bazaaro mein, police ke wanted istihaaro mein,
   
   .....
   
   Jab tum aine ke paas jate ho to aina kehta hai
   
   "beautiful beautiful"aur jab tum aine se dur jate ho to aina kehta hai
   
   "Aprilfool Aprilfool''
   
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   I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
   
   If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
   
   I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"
   
   I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
   
   A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
   
   Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
   
   The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
   
   How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
   
   If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
   
   I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
   
   Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
   
   Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
   
   If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
   
   The difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer is in the taste.
   
   Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
   
   Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
   
   I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
   
   Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
   
   Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
   
   My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
   
   Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
   
   Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
   
   Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
   
   I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.
   
   Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
   
   Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
   
   Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
   
   If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!
   
   If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
   
   Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.
   
   Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
   
   He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
   
   Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
   
   We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
   
   Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
   
   The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
   
   Hallmark Card: "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're still here."
   
   A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.
   
   War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
   
   There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
   
   A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
   
   A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
   
   A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
   
   It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.
   
   Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
   
   Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
   
   The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
   
   God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
   
   The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
   
   Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
   
   Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one.
   
   Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
   
   Women should not have children after 35. Really... 35 children are enough.
   
   The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
   One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
   
   I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
   
   The best thing about living at the beach is that you only have assholes on three sides of you.
   
   Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
   
   Squirrels - nature's speed bumps.
   
   If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.
   
   
   Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
   
   I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
   
   If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.
   
   Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
   
   Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
   
   I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
   
   When in doubt, mumble.
   
   I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
   
   I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.
   
   A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
   
   Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
   
   I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.
   
   Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
   
   My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   
   We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
   
   I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
   
   Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
   
   I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
   
   You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.
   
   Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
   
   A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
   
   To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
   
   The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
   
   When you think you have someone eating out of your hand, count your fingers.
   
   Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
   
   A baby: A loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.
   
   Archeologist: someone whose carreer lies in ruins.
   
   If good things come in small packages, then more good things can come in large packages.
   
   You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.
   
   Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
   
   Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
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